the real struggle

How is this supposed to work? How long are we supposed to do that? I mean, we don’t know how long we have to do this whole long distance “shit”. Yes, I love him, I totally do. He is the best thing that ever happened to me, he came into my life when I was the weakest, and he supported me to be strong again. I am so thankful to have him in my life.

But, and yeah, there is a big butt (insider höhö), no but serious though, how long can we have that relationship? At the moment, neither of us is ready to move into another country, leave family and friends behind. Maybe it is not family and friends, maybe it is work and routine, and most likely home. Like the feeling of being at home. That safe feeling. I am not ready to make this move. And if he isn’t, that’s fine. I mean, why would I want him to do something I wouldn’t be ready for?

I don’t know how long my education will take me. I don’t know what I want to achieve. I don’t know shit. And he doesn’t either. So I am stuck in Austria, and he is stuck in Sweden. And this is the worst part. I want to build with him, to live with him. But our situation is killing me. I want to know when this long distance ends. I want to see an end of this. But there isn’t.

I mean, I just want to end Long Distance. I want to move in with him. But I also know, that it is not possible, right now. I cannot move until I am fully done with education. And who knows how long that takes me. I don’t know what to think, what to say or what to believe. I hope, that we can end this Long Distance shit soon. End it like move in together, not breaking up. I hope it will happen soon. My soon, not his soon.

10.08.2016, binabina


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