July 2017

Here is just a small recap of my July. It’s not quite over but it’s time for a little cut.

My first year of working is over. I love(d) my job, I love(d) every single part of it, even tho it is/was hard sometimes. Kids are exhausting! But that’s okay. Hopefully I can start working there again in September, but I’m pretty sure I will. They gave me some kind of “Einstellngsbestätigung”, so it should be fine.

Then I went to Iceland!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you want to know what I packed, let me know. But I went to Iceland, it was pretty hilarious. I went with a friend of mine and we joined a group of 30 people, mostly old people. Did I say mostly? I mean 98% of the group members were at least 65 years old. So that was one weird experience. We made the best out of it, I mean, we saw whole Iceland, we did kind of a tour. Or well, not kind of, we did a tour. Maybe I will publish our article about Iceland, who knows. It was fun. It was an experience.

When I got home, I was home alone because my parents and my granny were on holiday, so I had two houses to take care of. That was an experience too. My brother and his gf stayed at her house. Parents got home for one night, just to take off the next morning. And again, I was home alone. I did all the fun stuff in the house. Laundary. Cooking. Ironing. Cleaning. Yay!

I felt lonely. I really did. And the worst part was, having no one that I could possibly invite. I mean, I was home alone. I could have thrown a party or at least invite a friend over. But I could not think of anyone. Really. And that feeling is horrible. Having no one to be there for you. Or well, I have friends they are here for me but not in the “oh yeah I’m coming over”-way. More like in the “oh yeah, text me whenever you need me”-way. And I could have used a friend to kill the loneliness.

A friend of mine texted me if I had time to come to Vienna for a day. And I had the time, but not the strengh to. I was too weak. And I know, that that is what I needed but I was too weak.

So, after nearly 3 weeks of not seeing my family properly, I was really glad to see them again. To have a family reunion. I was happy that everyone was home. That I have company. That our daily routine was back.

But than it hit me. It hit me hard. It was too much. Too much drama. To much everything. When I got home I had no one I could talk to. No one to tell my stories to. I mean, I did tell them online, but that’s not the same. I wanted to talk, but I could not. And than when the others came home, it felt so weird. They got to share their stories and I just felt left out. Not that I am not happy for them, but it did not feel fair. It did not feel right. I did not feel right.

Now, 2 days after they got home, 2 days into normal daily routine, it’s getting normal again. I am getting normal again. My emotions get normal again. Slowly. Steady.

July has been a crazy month. Let’s hope August will be less drama.

 

 

26.07.2016 / binabina

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