I miss him.

I miss him. The nights are the hardest. I can be busy during the day, although I miss him. But at night I cannot deal with it. I want him to be here. I want to see him, feel him.

On Monday we fly with an air balloon. I wanted him to join, I wanted to share this experience with him, but I couldn’t. Well, I did all I could do, I recorded the whole trip so he can see it. But it’s not the same.

Today we threw away all of granny’s stuff, so next week we are going to look for new furniture for my room. I will get a new room, with new furniture. Away from family. Or well, away… I will live downstairs and they will live upstairs. So I will kind of live on my own. I am looking forward for that to happen. Finally having an own place away from family, away from trouble. But I wish I could share all of that with him, you know?

I just want to live with him, now. Share my live with him, now. I don’t want to wait. But we have to. I need to finish school, need to finish university. He needs to finish university, if he starts it. And I hope he does. He wants to, but there are so many different things he has to do even before he decides to go there or not. But I wish he does it. I want him to do it because he really wants to. But that means at least 4 more years of long distance. We can do it, of course. But it will be hard. I don’t want to wait 4 years to really be able to move in with him. But I cannot move there until I finish university. And he cannot move here until he finishes university. And even if he decides to not go to university, I cannot ask him to move here. I am not ready to move to a different country, and neither is he. But we will make it, somehow, some when.

I miss him. I miss his voice, his smile. Every night is the same. I can keep myself busy during the day, text him, and it’s okay. But, at night, I don’t know, it’s weird. I just want to be with him. I think, that’s the real struggle of long distance.

05.08.2016, binabina


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