i need a break

I need a break. I need a break from om work, from everything. I need a break. I need to have some alone time. A simply day off. Or maybe two. I want to be alone, for a day. I want to see nobody, want to meet nobody, just want to be alone.

I need that, but I also need, or rather want, someone to be there for me. Someone, who asks me how my day was. Someone, who is here. Literally, here. Waiting in my room when I get home. Someone, who cares. Someone, who truly loves me. Someone, who understands me. Or at least, someone who tries to understand me, me and my flaws. I want someone to cuddle with me. Someone.

At the moment, I am a total mess. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know how to handle it. I want to cry. I want to just lay in bed forever, eat chocolate and do nothing, maybe watch some Netflix but that’s it. I have literally no friends around. I know that I have friends, but no one who is around. No one who can just come over. Just family. And its not the same with family. Yeah, cool, family. I want friends. All my friends are away, studying. And I am stuck here in my little village. Or well not stuck, but I have nobody here. I am lonely, and that sucks.

Why is that? Why can’t I have some people around? Why? I never had lots of friends, but I never felt lonely. And since a year or so, I am feeling lonely. All my closest friends went away. I don’t blame them, I mean, they are just doing what they want. They aren’t the problem, its me. I am the problem. But I don’t understand, how can I be that complicated to love? I think, I would be a good friend, a good girlfriend. But nah, I don’t have friends, and I don’t have a boyfriend. I am desperate, really. When I love, I love with my whole heart. I give everything. Every time. But it’s not enough.

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me. Last week I slept nothing. Kind of. In 3 days, I slept like 10 hours. And this week, I sleep 10h each night. I don’t know. Last night I didn’t sleep well because I had headache. I really don’t know how to handle myself.

Help. Somebody help.

08.12.2016, binabina

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