i want to and i will.

Here is a text for my ex, I will sent it to him. 

I miss you. Even tho you hurt me. I am still thinking about you. and I would never say anything bad about you. I miss you and it hurts. It hurts that I am still missing you, still thinking about you, still care about you. I don’t want you back, because I think that would make things even worse.
I don’t blame you for hurting me. Yes, you did hurt me, but you just did what was best for you in that moment. And probably also me. I don’t know if I still love you, all I know is that a message from you still puts a smile in my face.

I am dating guys, yes. Or well, I am trying to. Every time I am with a guy, I get a text from you. as you would know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to think about that. I mean, how do you know? Why do you do that? Are you trying to hurt me even more? Trying to remind me of you? just for the record, all the dates I had, ended with a big nothing. I am tired of trying. Tired of hoping.

I am dating guys, but nobody seems to fit. Nobody seems to like me. I feel like I am giving all my love away and now I feel empty. And at the end of the day I think of you. how it was to be with you. How l felt when I was with you. I did feel loved and I miss that feeling.

But holy crap, how do I get you out of my head? How do I stop thinking about you? How do I stop getting reminded about you when everything does?

But all of those memories are just memories. It’s over. Done. We are done. I need and want to look forward. I don’t want to be sad, I want to be happy and free again. I want to, and I will.

02.01.2017, binabina


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