My life is weird

My life is weird.

I don’t know where I should start. Yesterday I felt so in love, and today… nothing. I want to have friends around, but all friends I got are not in town, they don’t even live in the same town, or well, they don’t even live in the same country as I do. You know, at the moment I just want someone who I can talk to, who I can spend my time with when I come home from work, except my family.

I am looking for a friend, or well, I am looking for someone to talk to online. And I always have someone, but it’s not the same. And that’s what’s bothering me the most. Do you understand what I mean? I am sorry if that doesn’t make any sense but I need to write it down, need to get it off my chest and you’re my victim.

One thing that bothered me yesterday was that my mum told me, that she wants to know how many people I am going to invite for my birthday party. And to be honest, I invited 4. And I don’t even know if they’re coming or not. Fuck, I am turning 20 and I don’t have anyone to party with. Oh yeah, my cousins will come and the rest of the family, but that is not the fucking same. Well, I could invite my old classmates but meh. I don’t know if I really want that. But it feels lame. Boring. Stupid. I just have one day to celebrate. Friday. Cause on Saturday I will be in Vienna on the TwentyOnePilots concert. And on Sunday everything will be over. So I guess, on Friday my whole family will come over. And on the one hand I don’t want to have friends around cause it will be awkward. But on the other hand, I just have that chance and it could be fun right? I don’t know.

My life is weird. Today I did an half an hour workout, just for fun. I was motivated to do stuff so I decided to do sports. I want to lose weight. I was really proud of me. I told that a friend of mine and he was like “you don’t need to do that, youre looking good” blablabla. Why does nobody understand that I WANT TO FEEL GOOD. I know, that I probably look good, healthy. But I don’t feel that way, so I want to change that. That’s my decision. And I will do that, or at least try. But why are people always like that? I want people in my life who are proud of me when I am doing unusual stuff and not question everything.

After the workout, I was so tired, that I took a quick shower and rushed into bed, so that I could sleep. Yeah, that was 4 hours ago. I couldn’t fall asleep. I couldn’t find a good position. So I started thinking and here you are, nearly 600 words of my daily bullshit drama. Youre welcome in advance.

Oh yeah, what I wanted to tell you: I don’t read through my texts before I upload them. So there probably are millions of mistakes. But I kind of don’t care. Just wanted to let you know.

25.10.2016, binabina


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