If I am okay, you ask?

If i am okay, you ask? No, i am not. Why should i? I mean, its 4 in the morning and i am still awake. I cant fall asleep. My head hurts, my brain does too. I am shaking, i am cold, but i am sweating like shit. I dont know whats wrong with me. My throat feels like i woukd start to cry any second. I cant look at the screen, its too bright for my eyes. I am not tired, but my eyes are. Does that make sense?

Only thing that is positive at the moment, my brain is complete empty, free. It feels good to write. It feels like it does write itself, that i dont have to think. 

My body hurts. Kind of everything does. My head, my eyes, my throat, my back. I dont know what to do. Against the pain and against the situation. 

I hate that nobody is awake. That i have noone to talk to. I guess that would make things better. To have someone who would calm me down. Or at least try to. Why do those attacks happen when im alone? When i basically have no chance to reach out for help? Karma? Faith? I dont know.

Via phone | 04.01.2017 | binabina