i cannot wait

I cannot wait to live with him. I cannot wait to move in with him. To have a home together. I cannot wait to spend my life with him. To wake up next to him. Wake up in the middle of the night, snuggle up on him and fall asleep again. I cannot wait to come home to him. I cannot wait to cook for and even with him. I cannot wait.

Seriously, I cannot wait. I mean, I have spent a week with him, just he and me. And now I need to spend 5 days with him working, night shifts. And the best thing about it is, that that shit feels so real. Like we would actually live together. I wish this would last forever. Not the current situation though. I don’t want to sit at home and wait for him to come home some when 3am ish. But tonight, I cannot wait for him to end his shift, come home and take me out for a walk. That will be the most romantic shit ever. Yeah, walks and sunsets are cute and stuff, but we will see the sunrise together. I will force him, okay not force but I will ask him politely if we can go to the beach and just sit there for a while.

I cannot wait. I cannot wait to start our life together. I mean, we are planning life together. Or well, I do. But I think, he does too. Okay, that shit sounds creepy. We talked about owning a big house in the middle of nowhere. In the center of a forest would be nice. Nothing is around us, just we. We would love to have animals, like a little farm. Every kind of animal. Cats, dogs, chickens, rabbits, donkeys, sheep’s, whatever. I am not sure if he would be happy with that, but I think so. I mean, he is a hippie, he loves animals.

I cannot wait to start the life I want. A life with him. Not like now, where we are apart. I want to actually be together with him. Be able to kiss him, hug him and do all that relation-shit together, 24/7.

I cannot wait for this to happen. And the worst part about that whole thing is, I don’t know if and when it happens. I am not sure if I want to live in Sweden, I mean yeah, I love Sweden, but to live here, meh. And I don’t want or well I cannot ask him to move to Austria. Cause if I am not ready to move, why should he be? That’s the fucking worst part. I don’t know how long we are going to do this long distance shit. I mean, its shit. I cannot be with him as I would like. I cannot see him, hold him or kiss him whenever I like.

What I know is, that I have a year of school in front of me. After that, I should go to university and study. At least that would be my dream. My dream work. I don’t know what it is, but I know that I have to study to do what I love. That means, at least 4 more years for me in Austria. That means, 4 more years without him. Unless he (or we) decide that he moves to Austria. I mean, that would be fucking incredible. But I cannot ask for that. I don’t know what his plans for the future are.

But yeah. I cannot wait. I cannot wait for him to get his ass home and kiss me. I cannot wait for this, not fucking 4 years. I cannot wait to spent my life with him. I totally want to. I think he may be the one. The one. The only one. My only one. I think he really is. And we will get through this. And we will be the most awesome couple ever. Or well, we are the most awesome couple ever. I cannot wait for this to happen.

23.07.2016, binabina